» tv | One Dollar Jackpot - 25 Words or Less Competition

According to an email that went around the interwebs a while ago - the best thing a man could ever say to his wife after a hard day was ‘here have some wine’. Apparently a great way to relax - and at some level yes that’s an okay thing, but sometimes you need something more. Something fulfilling and different. Not just the haze of an alcohol induced coma.

Here’s the way you said you would relax…

• If the day is draining,
  just quit all your complaining,
  take your brain off training,
  your drugs are waiting.
• Could I sleep in a box?
  Could I sleep with a fox?
  Could I sleep here or there?
  Sleep is relaxing anywhere!
• When my mind is waxing,
  and all that thought is taxing,
  I turn on that box thing.
  And forget.
• I could listen to a cello.
  I could spend time with my fellow.
  But I’d rather get mellow
  with my cat named yellow.
• Coming home, after a hard day of school work and sitting on the couch eating dark chocolate and whatching movies while it is raining outside…
• Grab a good book and go sit somewhere, letting your mind sail away to worlds unkown…
• Lie back, take it easy. Not worth getting breathless and wheezy.
  Relax the mind and you will find everything today is light and breezy!
• I relax by imbibing two hard ciders (6.5% alcohol by volume) in the company of my good friend Russell. 3 of them is *very* relaxed =)
• By soaking in a hot bath full of bubbles, a glass of your favourite plonk beside you and soft music in the background.

Now I think that last one is good fun even if you’re not drinking plonk. I’ve tried relaxing by watching the box too - but it just seems I get more stressed. I’m not sure that that’s the best way to relax. I did a 30 day challenge a while ago - not to watch the box - it was some of the most relaxing times I’ve had in recent memory.

Some of the most relaxing times I’ve had have been while reading - fantasy novels are great stuff to read and hanging out just not doing much. I was reading the local newspaper two days ago (they had an article on one of my favourite bands) - now that was great. Lara - my wife was knitting and nothing much was going on. Totally sweet.

So because of the delivery of the message - Rose wins today. Hanging out with her cat Yellow seemed to me the best way to actually relax. If only I had a cat. Thanks for the tip Rose!

If I were to eat these recipes for a week I think I would be about 20kg heavier than when I started. Maybe I could do a ‘Super Recipe Me’ documentary about it.

I won’t, but I could and if I did it would be the best of its kind.

Take these ‘recipes’ for example. You know you’re gonna get fat(ter) with them!

1. Remove ice cream from freezer
2. Scoop ice cream into bowl
3. Spoon ice cream into face

Like it? Pretty simple, like the next one.

1. Chocolate syrup
2. A tall glass of ice cold milk
3. Mix together.
4. Drink.

You might like to drink that or, you might like (prefer) to drink this! It’s a recipe for an icecream-truck-load-of-lard in a glass.

1. 6 tbsp chocolate icecream,
2. 4 tbsp drinking chocolate,
3. 300ml milk,
4. 1 crushed flake.
5. Blender blitz the lot 30 sec
6. 2 glass serve,
7. garnish crushed flake.

I am seriously thinking of making that one… oh man my mouth is watering just thinking about it. But to wash it down, one might take some dinner - you might like to grab a meal and sit in front of the telly, just so you can lard up some more. Here’s what you should eat to compliment your fatshakes.

1. Cook linguine.
2. Saute clove garlic, then dash white wine,
3. Half cube chicken stock, sprinkle oregano,
4. Forty clams, black pepper, packet cream cheese,
5. And handful parmesan.

I’m not sure where I’d get forty clams. I’d have to go overseas I suspect. If I wanted to eat them in Australia, I reckon pippies would do just the trick… and my it would be tasty. Yet it sounds healthy, for some reason I wouldn’t want to be sitting watching Top Gear, I’d rather be at the table ‘tasting’ it rather than eating it.

More likely though, if I were to drink those fatshakes, I’d want a burger too… one that’s build using a bun. Spicy mustard. Hamburger. Sharp cheddar. Fried egg, over easy. Bacon. Lettuce. Tomato. More spicy mustard. Other bun. And beer. Then you know your night would be complete!

Ever had a recipe catch fire? I reckon you might just need a fire extinguisher in your kitchen if you have… and if you’ve got a recipe that catches fire, does it look like this?

• Chicken; thaw
• lemon herb season
• pan fry
• do not under cook
• do not overcook
• class C extinguisher will put out grease fire.

Okay - okay enough with the ’stringing along’ of your so called reading (more like you skipped right down here to check out the winner). Drum/fat roll please!

Congratulations Katrina! Your ‘brownies‘ recipe was - although I’m sure one of the lardiest recipes entered, the best of the weekend. Let’s take a look…

Brownies

• 50g butter, melted
• 1/4 cups sugar
• 1/3 cups flour
• 4 eggs
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 cup cocoa
• Combine. Bake 170C, 50 minutes.

Now I’m true to my word - so I will make the recipe and put it on video for you. I might even get a bunch of the recipes, make them and take photos of them, put them in a nicely designed booklet form for you to download and make yourself. What says you? I’ll need a chorus of ‘yes’ if I’m to get my fat lardo body from the TV to the kitchen so speak up loudly.

Katrina, you might even be able to buy one of these books - for a dollar. I would recommend the brownies, they’re tasty!